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1CoolMom Offline
#1 Posted : Tuesday, January 29, 2013 11:43:20 AM(UTC)
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I have no where else to ask this question because EVERYONE on my FB goes to church with me, so I'd like to know your thoughts.

My daughter is a senior in high school, she attends a "Bridge" Sunday school class that has high schoolers and college freshman. Last Sunday, the entire class including the teacher went to lunch DURING class (as a class social) except DD, her friend that comes to church with us and two boys. The four that were left at church played hangman until everyone else's SS classes were dismissed. The reason the class went during church was to "avoid the lunch crowd". Huh DD says it did not bother her and she did not feel like the ugly step sister.

What do you think? Is this appropriate?
jscraftylady Offline
#2 Posted : Tuesday, January 29, 2013 11:55:57 AM(UTC)
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Originally Posted by: 1CoolMom Go to Quoted Post
I have no where else to ask this question because EVERYONE on my FB goes to church with me, so I'd like to know your thoughts.

My daughter is a senior in high school, she attends a "Bridge" Sunday school class that has high schoolers and college freshman. Last Sunday, the entire class including the teacher went to lunch DURING class (as a class social) except DD, her friend that comes to church with us and two boys. The four that were left at church played hangman until everyone else's SS classes were dismissed. The reason the class went during church was to "avoid the lunch crowd". Huh DD says it did not bother her and she did not feel like the ugly step sister.

What do you think? Is this appropriate?


I am assuming your DD did not go because she couldn't or didn't want to and not because the group purposefully excluded a handful of people. If that is the case, I see nothing inappropriate with the class meeting outside of the actual church, even during class. However, they should have made every effort to inform all the people ahead of time that they would be going out that day so that everyone could plan to go.
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CricketCMV Offline
#3 Posted : Tuesday, January 29, 2013 12:19:00 PM(UTC)
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Call me old-fashioned....but I think on Sunday mornings (or whenever Christians gather to learn more about God), Sunday mornings should be reserved just for that. Especially where our kids are concerned. There is plenty of other times for socializing...and, that's not to say we aren't socializing in church/SS, because we are, of course. BUT, almost anything goes these days. I wouldn't condemn them for it. Everyone is there to learn more about God. And, where is the spirit of being a Christian if we can't handle waiting in line after church to eat our lunch!?

This is coming from an old stodge....I didn't tell my kids about using birth control when it was very fashionable to do that. Our kids were born in the mid 70's and in high school by the late 80's. We told our kids we expected them not to have sex until they were married and gave them our feelings and reasons for it! Period. I don't know if they did or didn't...but, to me, if we were telling our kids to use birth control we were telling them it was okay to have sex outside of marriage. That wasn't our belief; that's not how we did things.

Oh, don't get me going.

I have a little of a problem even when we have coffee fellowship between church and sunday school. I don't feel we're there to eat food and drink coffee. I know this is coming across way too strong, probably. It has become a contest. Some really love entertaining to begin with; I don't enjoy entertaining that much! LOL. We have to furnish cookies/cakes/donuts/fruit or whatever we want to furnish when it's our turn to do coffee fellowship. We do this for around 100 who stay for coffee fellowship. I don't mind furnishing my time and food; I just don't think it's necessary. We take our turn...and, I do try to be happy and lay out a good treat for everyone (not at all in competition with others). BUT, that's just it! It turns out to be a contest of who can have the best layout each week to some of our ladies.

I feel Sunday morning (or whenever your church designates time to spend with each other learning about God) should be just that.

Char

Edited by user Tuesday, January 29, 2013 12:20:22 PM(UTC)  | Reason: Not specified

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LizVellali Offline
#4 Posted : Tuesday, January 29, 2013 12:35:29 PM(UTC)
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In my opinion it should have been everyone or not done at all. Also I agree social outings should happen outside of Sunday School.

We actually left a church when my children were younger because they had my sons moving tables, etc. on Sunday mornings instead of doing lesson plans.

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TammyPuckett Offline
#5 Posted : Tuesday, January 29, 2013 12:46:02 PM(UTC)
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In my opinion, they should have been at church instead of going to eat during Sunday school!
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Godot's Girl Offline
#6 Posted : Tuesday, January 29, 2013 12:56:23 PM(UTC)
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I, too, am somewhat old-fashioned, and feel that church/SS is for learning about God, and that it should take place in the building designated as your House of Worship. However, I also realize that we are losing our young people sooner and sooner these days, and I, at 40, still feel like a young person. Because of this, some churches have had to get creative in how, and where, they teach our youth. I think it is OK to occasionally meet outside of our House to learn about God, and do some socializing, as long as the focus is on God and His teachings.

However, it sounds as though this particular situation was just to socialize, and seems to have excluded those who may have had to ask permission, because of still being in high school. That, I feel, is wrong. I understand spur of the moment situations, but your SS class is somewhere you should always be included. Though your DD did not feel excluded, she definitely was. Intentionally, or not, if all could not go, it should have been a social gathering outside of SS time, not during.

I am reading a great deal in to your post here, I realize, and without the whole story, it is difficult to make a definite decision. I usually shy away from sharing my strongly held beliefs on this board, as I feel it is for crafting, and not a place for me to get on my soapbox, so to speak. But, in this instance, and because I consider myself a friend of 1CoolMom's (and she is, BTW), I felt I could say how I feel without upsetting her. So, I would have had no problem with the class going for lunch if everyone had had the opportunity to be included, and outside of your regular worship time, or if the luncheon had been used as a creative way to teach God's word, and again, everyone had had the chance to be included....meaning it was planned in advance, or held, even by surprise, at the church. This does not appear to have been the case. Maybe, I too, have become an old fuddy-duddy at a young age, but I would have been unhappy had this happened in one of my sons' classes, and would have asked to be informed were this going to be a regular thing, so that my sons could attend church with me, or other arrangements could be made. I, and, my family, go to church, and Sunday School, to learn and practice God's word, and socializing is something that occurs as a result of people being gathered together in the same place. So, again, this would not have been a problem at all with me, had it been used as a creative way to teach God's word, and all had had an equal opportunity to go, OR if it had occurred outside of normal church time.

That is my opinion. Beautiful thing about that, we all have them, and are entitled to them, so please take it as just that. I mean no offense to anyone. I do not think any harm was intended or actually done in the long run. I do think if this were to continue, however, I would speak to the youth Pastor or whomever your church has in charge of their youth programs, and relay my concerns. Sorry for such a long post, maybe I did hop on a little bit of a soapbox after all. GG
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1CoolMom Offline
#7 Posted : Wednesday, January 30, 2013 4:59:08 AM(UTC)
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Thank you for your replies. I talked to my pastor and was not happy with the result. He called the other pastor who said they left at the normal time which makes no sense! The whole reason I was annoyed is because there was no lesson NOT even a short one before they left. If they left at the regular time I have two questions: Why did he not do a lesson and why would the other 4 kids stay in the room playing hangman?

Because normally when class is dismissed DD and her two friends either come to the nursery when I am helping out or go to DH's class to wait for him. They don't sit in the empty classroom. It doesn't add up.
1CoolMom Offline
#8 Posted : Wednesday, January 30, 2013 5:05:34 AM(UTC)
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Sorry, I did not respond to a couple of things.

DD did not go because we give her a set dollar amount that she can use for outings: dinner with friends, movies, etc. By the time they announced the social she had spent her money. We are really trying to make her stick to the budget because she is leaving for college in the fall and we want her to realize she cannot do everything because there is no magic money tree. BigGrin She choose not to even ask for this reason.

Her best friend that comes to church with us is the child of a single mom. They barely make ends meet on a regular basis, she could not afford to go. Now, if they girls had asked to go we would have paid for both of them.

One of the guys parents would not allow him to go, I am not sure about the other one.

CricketCMV Offline
#9 Posted : Wednesday, January 30, 2013 8:03:26 AM(UTC)
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Everyone know me here....probably. It's really EASY for me to get on my soapboxes!! BUT, I don't mean to do so at the expense of anyone else feeling guilty about their opinions and/or beliefs. I hope everyone knows that about me, too.

I had another few thoughts. SORRY, EVERYONE!

And, since 1CoolMom revealed some other facts (the OP..I think GG...mentioned about not knowing all the facts and it is true and easy to get off in a million other directions when giving our opinions), it changes the picture somewhat.

I still feel where teenagers and even young college students are concerned, they are not considered ADULTS, so there is concern here. I don't think it's EVER wise for young people to be allowed to be unsupervised in a setting their parents know they are being supervised. In this instance, your daughter was in a room with three other people (you fully expected a youth leader was in their presence), two of them the opposite gender. I'm not suggesting anything here....but, I always thought it best to know where our kids were and who they were with and I trusted that. In this case, TRUST is lost, in my opinion. TRUST is lost with the leader of the group. The leader was not where you thought he was when you knew your daughter was in that SS class with a leader present.

There have been studies that show teenagers (this includes college students) don't always have the wherewithall to think properly. I know our kids are intelligent. They drive cars. They do all sorts of things adults do! However, it has been shown that they lack good judgement in crucial situations. This is not to say they lack good judgement all the time. BUT, at any given time they can lack good judgement solely based on the premise their brains are not fully developed. OKAY, ANYONE WHO KNOWS MORE ABOUT THIS THAN I DO CAN GET ON YOUR SOAPBOX HERE. I CAN TAKE IT. I probably have said it in the best way, but it's what I remember reading from time-to-time. I KNOW; you can't believe everything you read.

I do think these kids did act as responsibly as they could under the circumstances. Your daughter doesn't come running to you for every little thing she wants (she is to be commended for that). She sounds like and so do the other kids they were very level-headed and that is what we hope and pray for every day when we're trying to raise our Christian kids. YOU COULD CLEARLY TRUST THESE KIDS IN THIS INSTANCE, I feel. Putting temptations in their way is not a good idea, though.

JMHO.

Char

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jscraftylady Offline
#10 Posted : Wednesday, January 30, 2013 9:38:03 AM(UTC)
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Originally Posted by: CricketCMV Go to Quoted Post
Everyone know me here....probably. It's really EASY for me to get on my soapboxes!! BUT, I don't mean to do so at the expense of anyone else feeling guilty about their opinions and/or beliefs. I hope everyone knows that about me, too.

I had another few thoughts. SORRY, EVERYONE!

And, since 1CoolMom revealed some other facts (the OP..I think GG...mentioned about not knowing all the facts and it is true and easy to get off in a million other directions when giving our opinions), it changes the picture somewhat.

I still feel where teenagers and even young college students are concerned, they are not considered ADULTS, so there is concern here. I don't think it's EVER wise for young people to be allowed to be unsupervised in a setting their parents know they are being supervised. In this instance, your daughter was in a room with three other people (you fully expected a youth leader was in their presence), two of them the opposite gender. I'm not suggesting anything here....but, I always thought it best to know where our kids were and who they were with and I trusted that. In this case, TRUST is lost, in my opinion. TRUST is lost with the leader of the group. The leader was not where you thought he was when you knew your daughter was in that SS class with a leader present.

There have been studies that show teenagers (this includes college students) don't always have the wherewithall to think properly. I know our kids are intelligent. They drive cars. They do all sorts of things adults do! However, it has been shown that they lack good judgement in crucial situations. This is not to say they lack good judgement all the time. BUT, at any given time they can lack good judgement solely based on the premise their brains are not fully developed. OKAY, ANYONE WHO KNOWS MORE ABOUT THIS THAN I DO CAN GET ON YOUR SOAPBOX HERE. I CAN TAKE IT. I probably have said it in the best way, but it's what I remember reading from time-to-time. I KNOW; you can't believe everything you read.

I do think these kids did act as responsibly as they could under the circumstances. Your daughter doesn't come running to you for every little thing she wants (she is to be commended for that). She sounds like and so do the other kids they were very level-headed and that is what we hope and pray for every day when we're trying to raise our Christian kids. YOU COULD CLEARLY TRUST THESE KIDS IN THIS INSTANCE, I feel. Putting temptations in their way is not a good idea, though.

JMHO.

Char




I am not in any way arguing with you Char, but your comments did make me curious. I left for college over 20 years ago, but even then, older high school students and college students were not routinely supervised with the opposite sex. I started dating at 16 which was the norm among my classmates. I was dropped off 2 1/2 hours away from home when I went to college where I lived by myself in a dorm with no rules about the opposite sex. At 17, I was unsupervised 24 hours a day/7 days a week. Is this not normal any more?

I only ask because when reading the original post it never occurred to me to wonder about supervision.
CricketCMV Offline
#11 Posted : Wednesday, January 30, 2013 11:25:12 AM(UTC)
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Originally Posted by: jscraftylady Go to Quoted Post
I am not in any way arguing with you Char, but your comments did make me curious. I left for college over 20 years ago, but even then, older high school students and college students were not routinely supervised with the opposite sex. I started dating at 16 which was the norm among my classmates. I was dropped off 2 1/2 hours away from home when I went to college where I lived by myself in a dorm with no rules about the opposite sex. At 17, I was unsupervised 24 hours a day/7 days a week. Is this not normal any more?

I only ask because when reading the original post it never occurred to me to wonder about supervision.


I think I grew up very sheltered; so I probably transfer that to everyone! LOL. You're right. It does seem a little over-protective to expect supervision at all times for kids this age. We grew up in a small town (less than a hundred people). We weren't allowed to do all that much until we left home and were out on our own. So, I think I'm forgetting that I didn't have a lot of experiences being somewhere where there weren't adults present at all functions I went to at all times. I didn't have a lot of dating experience, either, until I was older....23 to be exact.

So, let's forget about those statements. Maybe I shouldn't have "transferred" my thoughts in those areas.

I still stand behind my statements about learning about God when we're going to church and SS to do that, though. Even then, I suppose everyone isn't going for those select purposes. AND, if this is only a one-time thing.....then, it's not all that bad. Nothing happened. Nothing needed to happen that shouldn't have. I'm not trying to judge those who left the church, either. The OP's daughter was not bothered by the events that happened; and, maybe noone else should be, either, who wasn't involved.

Thanks for making me realize that I shouldn't really be quite so narrow-minded about these types of things.

Char

Edited by user Wednesday, January 30, 2013 11:27:15 AM(UTC)  | Reason: Not specified

CricketCMV Offline
#12 Posted : Wednesday, January 30, 2013 11:33:59 AM(UTC)
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This makes me think of something that happened at church a few months ago when our DGS was dedicated (he just turned two at the time.....I know, that's kind of old to be dedicated, but he had not been, as yet, and I took the opportunity when our DS and DDIL brought him home for a visit to see if they would like to have him dedicated in the church they were married in, and they did).

Our church makes a CD of such events for the parents and grandparents. We were in the front pews, so you could see part of our family along the aisle of the CD contents.

Our DSIL (our DD's husband) and our oldest DS and DDIL were also in attendance. After the dedication, and when all the little kids went up for their "Children's Time" and prayer was being said, our DSIL, who was seated next to me, so you could also see him in the video, was looking around behind us and all over the whole the prayer was being said for the children and not bowing his head in prayer. At first, I was critical of this. He doesn't know we have this CD and I have no reason to let DD and/or him know we do. Then, when I presented this to my friends, one of my closest merely said, "maybe he didn't feel like praying right then"!! It was that simple to her.

So, I did decide I didn't need to judge that, also. LOL.

What next? What do you all think of that.....not to hijack this thread, though.

Char

Edited by user Wednesday, January 30, 2013 11:37:05 AM(UTC)  | Reason: Not specified

1CoolMom Offline
#13 Posted : Wednesday, January 30, 2013 11:56:52 AM(UTC)
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Addressing some of the supervision thoughts:

DD has been allowed to date since she was 16 yrs old (DS is now allowed as well). At 16 they are not allowed to date one on one. They have to be in a group, with their siblings (since they are close in age) or with us. Mind you with us does not mean we are going to sit at the same table with them on a date because how can they really get to know someone with us just sitting there. Laugh But we would go to the restaurant or movie with them and sit somewhere else.


Our church is a small baptist church, boys and girls are never allowed to be alone (in 9-11 grade they don't even have class together). If you are dating someone you are allowed to sit with them but you are not allowed to touch (no hugging, no hand holding) because church is for worship you are not on a date. Laugh While I do not think it is a big deal if my 18 yr old wants to hold her boyfriend's (not that she has one, she chooses not to date) hand in church I don't think it is a big deal BUT we follow the rules of the church.

So, it certainly would have been an issue if one of the boys and one of the girls went wandering around together leaving the other two in the room alone. If anyone would have noticed there would have been a LOT of talk. Mad

Char, I agree with your friend about the prayer. I am in church every Sunday unless I or one of the kids is sick. Sometimes, I look around during prayer. There are reasons for this:
1. Occasionally I feel like I am being TOLD what to pray (ie. let's pray now that xyz will happen). It doesn't feel sincere so I refuse to do it.
2. I am being convicted by something and am doing my very best to ignore it. Blushing
I have more but that is just a couple that I am willing to share.
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1CoolMom Offline
#14 Posted : Wednesday, January 30, 2013 12:11:50 PM(UTC)
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Char, My children are living your "sheltered" life. We are considered "ODD" by our friends. As I said above my kids are not allowed to date until 16 and that is supervised. At 18 they can go on dates alone but only if we know the person. We taught our kids this from the time they were little bitty and none of them have an issue with it. They were not allowed as preschoolers/elementary students to say they have boyfriends and girlfriends. They do not go to school dances until their senior year, etc.
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CricketCMV Offline
#15 Posted : Wednesday, January 30, 2013 4:29:45 PM(UTC)
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We all do have different opinions; doesn't make some of us all right and some of us all wrong. AND, we all know different situations can be handled differently and all come out the same.

I am only thankful we have three kids; they were brought up in a rather old-fashioned way; they have all had successful marriages (so far.....and, I hate to say this because anything can happen and I know not to say NEVER). They have never been perfect, we weren't perfect parents and they won't be perfect parents.

For the most part, I do believe PRAYER is the most important part of bringing up kids and no matter how we as parents handle situations with our kids, ultimately, God helps us with those decisions.

Interesting question to begin with, 1CoolMom.

Char
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jscraftylady Offline
#16 Posted : Wednesday, January 30, 2013 7:06:13 PM(UTC)
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Originally Posted by: CricketCMV Go to Quoted Post
I think I grew up very sheltered; so I probably transfer that to everyone! LOL. You're right. It does seem a little over-protective to expect supervision at all times for kids this age. We grew up in a small town (less than a hundred people). We weren't allowed to do all that much until we left home and were out on our own. So, I think I'm forgetting that I didn't have a lot of experiences being somewhere where there weren't adults present at all functions I went to at all times. I didn't have a lot of dating experience, either, until I was older....23 to be exact.

So, let's forget about those statements. Maybe I shouldn't have "transferred" my thoughts in those areas.

I still stand behind my statements about learning about God when we're going to church and SS to do that, though. Even then, I suppose everyone isn't going for those select purposes. AND, if this is only a one-time thing.....then, it's not all that bad. Nothing happened. Nothing needed to happen that shouldn't have. I'm not trying to judge those who left the church, either. The OP's daughter was not bothered by the events that happened; and, maybe noone else should be, either, who wasn't involved.

Thanks for making me realize that I shouldn't really be quite so narrow-minded about these types of things.

Char


I was just curious because I am only really familiar with where I grew up. I graduated from a high school class with over 1600 students, so not a small town. I now live in a small town and I have noticed that the kids do seem to have less independence. I didn't know if it was a product of the small town or a product of modern society or both.

As for little dating experience, the first boy I dated was the only boy I dated. I met him at 15, started dating him at 16 and we have been together ever since.BigGrin
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CricketCMV on 1/31/2013(UTC)
1CoolMom Offline
#17 Posted : Thursday, January 31, 2013 5:51:46 AM(UTC)
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JSC, I grew up like you did. My senior class had over 650 (DS and DD attend the same school), we live in a large town. When I turned 16 my mom was pretty much done raising me, I am the youngest of 5. I had no curfew, no rules and did my own thing. As long as I put on the "good girl" face no one cared. The fact of the matter was as soon as my mom checked out of parenting me it began a slippery slope in my life. Dating the wrong guys, drinking, skipping school etc. Right after high school I married the guy I was dating...I knew he was not the right person but I thought he'd change. Within 18 mos. we were divorced and I decided I had to make a change and live the life I wanted not the life my parents made for me. I got two jobs paid off my debts ($20k at 21.5 yrs old!) and got back to church.

I decided when I had kids that they would lead a very different life than I did. I go to 99% of my kids events, there are times when I can't but I am there enough that they don't mind. My parents went to NOTHING. I know where my kids are and who they are with. I am involved in their education even as high schoolers. Recently, I emailed a teacher because he failed the entire class on an assignment because he felt they were not "respecting" him. NOT ACCEPTABLE, they did the work. When he called me he said that he has taught Seniors for a lot of yrs and NO parent has ever contacted him about their child. That is one of the saddest things I have ever heard. I believe this is why some teachers do the things they do, they have zero accountability to parents and the kids really cannot change things. (But that is a different soapbox!!)

I believe if you set the bar high, your kids will rise to the level you ask of them. If you expect your kids to not get along with their siblings, be disrespectful as teens, date every person that they think is cute they will. If you teach them that they need to have respect and discernment they will. I am not saying my kids are perfect, they are not.
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#18 Posted : Thursday, January 31, 2013 7:11:13 AM(UTC)
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Originally Posted by: 1CoolMom Go to Quoted Post
I have no where else to ask this question because EVERYONE on my FB goes to church with me, so I'd like to know your thoughts.

My daughter is a senior in high school, she attends a "Bridge" Sunday school class that has high schoolers and college freshman. Last Sunday, the entire class including the teacher went to lunch DURING class (as a class social) except DD, her friend that comes to church with us and two boys. The four that were left at church played hangman until everyone else's SS classes were dismissed. The reason the class went during church was to "avoid the lunch crowd". Huh DD says it did not bother her and she did not feel like the ugly step sister.

What do you think? Is this appropriate?


I don't have a problem with them going to lunch. What I do have a problem with is the 4 kids that did not go. It is still considered "School" and this was a field trip. At our parish, if there is a field trip, regardless of what that field trip entails, there are permission slips that need to be signed and there is advanced planning done. Parents are notified and they know where their kids are and what they are doing while they are in our care, custody and control. It doesn't matter how old the kids are, parents still need to know where their kids are and what they are doing. Some parents of the kids who went may not have wanted their kids to go.

JMHO
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CricketCMV on 1/31/2013(UTC)
1CoolMom Offline
#19 Posted : Thursday, January 31, 2013 7:24:46 AM(UTC)
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Originally Posted by: GypsyBoricua Go to Quoted Post
I don't have a problem with them going to lunch. What I do have a problem with is the 4 kids that did not go. It is still considered "School" and this was a field trip. At our parish, if there is a field trip, regardless of what that field trip entails, there are permission slips that need to be signed and there is advanced planning done. Parents are notified and they know where their kids are and what they are doing while they are in our care, custody and control. It doesn't matter how old the kids are, parents still need to know where their kids are and what they are doing. Some parents of the kids who went may not have wanted their kids to go.

JMHO


I think the reason they did not follow the "permission slip" rule is this is a class that has only seniors in high school and young college students. I actually did not think about the permission slips, I do think legally (and for insurance reasons) the high schoolers would have needed them but not the college students since they are considered adults.

I am not sure about the kids going without permission, I know all of these kids and I cannot see them doing that. The church is small and most families have been there in some way, shape or form for years. We are newer having just joined 2.5 yrs ago as are the families of the rest of the kids who were left (interesting but I did not realize it until now).
CricketCMV Offline
#20 Posted : Thursday, January 31, 2013 8:50:13 AM(UTC)
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Originally Posted by: 1CoolMom Go to Quoted Post
JSC, I grew up like you did. My senior class had over 650 (DS and DD attend the same school), we live in a large town. When I turned 16 my mom was pretty much done raising me, I am the youngest of 5. I had no curfew, no rules and did my own thing. As long as I put on the "good girl" face no one cared. The fact of the matter was as soon as my mom checked out of parenting me it began a slippery slope in my life. Dating the wrong guys, drinking, skipping school etc. Right after high school I married the guy I was dating...I knew he was not the right person but I thought he'd change. Within 18 mos. we were divorced and I decided I had to make a change and live the life I wanted not the life my parents made for me. I got two jobs paid off my debts ($20k at 21.5 yrs old!) and got back to church.

I decided when I had kids that they would lead a very different life than I did. I go to 99% of my kids events, there are times when I can't but I am there enough that they don't mind. My parents went to NOTHING. I know where my kids are and who they are with. I am involved in their education even as high schoolers. Recently, I emailed a teacher because he failed the entire class on an assignment because he felt they were not "respecting" him. NOT ACCEPTABLE, they did the work. When he called me he said that he has taught Seniors for a lot of yrs and NO parent has ever contacted him about their child. That is one of the saddest things I have ever heard. I believe this is why some teachers do the things they do, they have zero accountability to parents and the kids really cannot change things. (But that is a different soapbox!!)

I believe if you set the bar high, your kids will rise to the level you ask of them. If you expect your kids to not get along with their siblings, be disrespectful as teens, date every person that they think is cute they will. If you teach them that they need to have respect and discernment they will. I am not saying my kids are perfect, they are not.


I commend you, 1CoolMom for taking steps to improve your life. You could have easily "slipped through the cracks", but you made one of the most important steps, IMHO, that anyone can take. You got back to church....thank the Good Lord you had God in your life when you were smaller.

When I said I grew up "sheltered" and in a very small town, I meant it. I graduated with a class of 52....so, our high school probably only had 230 or so in it!! LOL. A really small school. I graduated in the top 10%....tenth, if I remember right! The biggest town around (that's not where we went to school) was eight miles east of us. We went there regularly for groceries!! My parents had a small grocery store (we actually sold luncheon meats and ground hamburger and all kinds of solid cheeses to slice for our customers) and two of us older kids of five helped in the grocery store until we left home and were out on our own. I suspect the highest of sales there were cigarettes and pop. We didn't sell liquor. The town to the east of us probably had a population of 16,000....today, I live there and we probably only have 13,000 today.

I always credit GOD for getting me where I am today. Dad and mom made sure we kids went to church every Sunday morning. They didn't go; but, they worked hard to put food on the table and a roof over our heads. Until I left home, I went to church every Sunday morning, SS, church in the evening AND church every Wednesday night. That was all there was to do. Those were the good old days of revivals....so, when the preachers came through, we would have two weeks of EVERY NIGHT SERVICES. Yes, I went to all of those, too. LOL. Those preachers who had done everything we were always told we shouldn't (it used to really make me mad), had finally turned their lives around and became preachers of the Word. Here we were trying to do everything as right as we could and then these guys come along and basically told us they had sinned most of their lives....it didn't sound right to me.

IT IS REFRESHING to hear others (you) who are much younger than I (I'm 69 and I'm only guessing you might be in your early 40's...may not there yet) with the same core values and desire for their kids. Actually, I think there are more of you out there than society leads us to believe; we just see way too much of what's not right out there and it paints a pretty bad picture of where we're headed today! I see a lot of young people out with their kids and treating them very good and seeming to CARE a lot about them. And, their children are behaving and seem very happy.

Char




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1CoolMom on 1/31/2013(UTC)
BJR Offline
#21 Posted : Sunday, February 03, 2013 4:47:28 PM(UTC)
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1st of all I feel and agree if you are there for learning or worship- that is what should have occured. 2nd- any child under 18- should have parents that are notified first and foremost - esp. anyone college age should understand this is they or the teacher is of adult age. I have a SS teacher and a 4-H advisor for 17 years- we have permission slips, any notification info. with the head advisors and our county office. At school all must be filled out, esp. a medical treatment paper- in case of an accident etc. I was once going on a church outing driving kids behind the teacher who drove over 75 mph, I was not happy but glad my DS was with me. I could not have brought a complaint because of who this person was. But never did I leave my DS go with that teacher again. We must be aware these days, our kids are our most precious gifts. This is not to be preachy initself, but we have to be aware- I also think any non adults (kids under 18) should have parents notified first- what would a parent do if the group got back late, didn't know where they were(out to eat at) and the parents needed to be somewhere? BJR.
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CricketCMV on 2/3/2013(UTC)
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#22 Posted : Sunday, February 03, 2013 5:22:51 PM(UTC)
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Originally Posted by: BJR Go to Quoted Post
1st of all I feel and agree if you are there for learning or worship- that is what should have occured. 2nd- any child under 18- should have parents that are notified first and foremost - esp. anyone college age should understand this is they or the teacher is of adult age. I have a SS teacher and a 4-H advisor for 17 years- we have permission slips, any notification info. with the head advisors and our county office. At school all must be filled out, esp. a medical treatment paper- in case of an accident etc. I was once going on a church outing driving kids behind the teacher who drove over 75 mph, I was not happy but glad my DS was with me. I could not have brought a complaint because of who this person was. But never did I leave my DS go with that teacher again. We must be aware these days, our kids are our most precious gifts. This is not to be preachy initself, but we have to be aware- I also think any non adults (kids under 18) should have parents notified first- what would a parent do if the group got back late, didn't know where they were(out to eat at) and the parents needed to be somewhere? BJR.


My DD is 18 yrs old but is still in high school. When they do "youth" activities they require a permission slip. I will have to ask DD if the teacher required them but she did not get one since she knew she wasn't going. But in our county, once a student is 18 yrs old they don't have to have parental permission for anything. Glare Angry DD could sign herself out of school and call herself in sick because "legally" she is an adult even though she is still living at home and we support her. ThumbDown My children KNOW if they ever do it they will have severe consequeces including having to pay rent to us. If they want to be an adult, I will treat them like one. Laugh

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CricketCMV on 2/3/2013(UTC)
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