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Bugsy2 Offline
#1 Posted : Sunday, May 05, 2013 1:45:13 PM(UTC)
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Well, yes it does.. kind of!! Anyhoo, here is my story. Last fall a friend of mine was putting together a scrapbook with pics of her recently deceased father. She was giving it to her mother for Christmas. My friend isn't a crafter but she wanted to do the work herself. I told her I had lots of 12x12 paper and embellies that she could she could help herself to.

I have one shelf dedicated to Coredinations cardstock.. the really thick 12x12 stuff I bought at the scrap store a few years ago, and not like the stuff that Joann's sells now. This cardstock is my "precious paper" that I bought for a scrapbook for my sister. I just haven't gotten around to doing it yet, and seriously I don't know if I could even get that cardstock again.

My friend's eyes lit up when she saw my rainbow of cardstock and pretty papers. Then she looked to the right, saw the Coredinations cardstock, and her eyes started twirling!! Immediately she grabbed sheets of it squealing "this is perfect!" We got into a verbal scuffle when I told her that this cardstock was off limits, that there was plenty of cardstock to choose from besides the Coredinations. She said that I was being selfish. I didn't feel selfish at the time and felt totally justified in saying "No, you may not use this cardstock, but you may use anything from these shelves." Rightly or wrongly, I was fuming. She took scads of paper, embellishments, and even a package of pop dots home with her. It was several days before she called me. We still hang out occasionally but our friendship isn't the same.

So... if you had been in my shoes would you have given her unlimited access to your papers and embellies because it was her special project? Or would you have been like me and said you may use this cardstock... but not that cardstock because it is for my special project? As I look at my rainbow of cardstock, I am feeling a little guilty now... months later.
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patricialewis@verizon.net Offline
#2 Posted : Sunday, May 05, 2013 1:58:25 PM(UTC)
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Don't beat yourself up about it because when you give someone anything they should be satisfied when you getting it free. When somebody give me anything free I thank god
that someone is that kind because you didn't have to offer her anything

Edited by user Sunday, May 05, 2013 1:59:12 PM(UTC)  | Reason: Not specified

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JeanP Offline
#3 Posted : Sunday, May 05, 2013 2:09:55 PM(UTC)
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She should have understood that you were saving that paper for your "special" projects and been happy with what you were offering her.

Don't feel guilty. She was in the wrong, not youSmile
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Leahdax Offline
#4 Posted : Sunday, May 05, 2013 2:37:08 PM(UTC)
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I can't believe she argued with you about it. That's not just nerve, it's selfishness and ungratefullness. She was probaby acting out thru her pain at the loss of her dad, but still... she sounds like a spoiled brat.

You made her a generous offer, but stood firm when she tried to abuse your generosity. You have no reason to feel guilty.

I have one request, tho. Post pics when you use that special paper. I'd love to see what you do with it.

Happy Crafting BigGrin
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Narelle Offline
#5 Posted : Sunday, May 05, 2013 2:50:57 PM(UTC)
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I have stuff that's off limits too. You were more than generous and she tried to take advantage of that.

Glad you stood your ground. Cool
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Kazalah Offline
#6 Posted : Sunday, May 05, 2013 3:23:05 PM(UTC)
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You weren't too harsh. You were offering her a ton of options.. just not THAT one. A compromise ( to avoid the argument) might have been to give her a FEW sheets of the card stock. In any case I she should count her lucky stars that in her time of grieving you were kind enough to GIVE her tons of scrapbooking supplies to commemorate her father.



Lori
Samomom Offline
#7 Posted : Sunday, May 05, 2013 3:55:00 PM(UTC)
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Seriously? She was offended by your generosity? Wow! Even when my mom died a few years ago, I never let my anger lash out at anyone except maybe my husband. Maybe she just couldn't help herself, but then again, if your relationship has been on the rocks ever since, she may have been playing the dead parent card on you. Life is too short to have crummy people in your life.
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Cricutgirlg on 5/8/2013(UTC)
CricketCMV Online
#8 Posted : Sunday, May 05, 2013 4:04:06 PM(UTC)
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Are you feeling guilty because you lost a friendship you really didn't want to lose and have missed your friendship with her?

I don't think you were being selfish....hindsight is always better than foresight, but it's too bad you didn't already have that cardstock put away where she couldn't get to it in the first place. I mean, if she just popped in, that's different. BUT, I know if I want to be generous about anything, I don't have things I don't want to be generous with lying around.

E.g., at a lot of my yard sales, I tell my customers to come back on the second weekend (I usually have two weekends since it's so much trouble to get ready for them in the first place and I never have everything out I want out on the first weekend) on the last day of the sale and they can pick FIVE items for free that are left out in the sale. They are told up front that SOME items will go back in the house (because they are things that if I don't sell and get what I want out of them, I will still use them in my home...I usually am very, very fair with pricing and underprice many things), but I go on to explain that there won't be many things taken back in and everything left will be up for grabs.

I don't usually have too many come back for items....but one time, one lady came back and took several car loads of everything I had left. I didn't have to haul it to Goodwill, helped her take some stuff to her home....and we were both very happy. I think she probably tried to resell it, and that was okay with me. If she felt she wanted the money from it, that was okay, too. For all I knew, maybe she made money off it and gave it to charity herself. I didn't really care.

Have you ever asked her how her scrapbook came out? Has she ever offered to show it? If not, maybe you can renew your friendship (if you want this) by telling her you would love to see how it came out. Maybe she thinks it's strange you didn't ask to see it.....maybe you never wanted to after what happened. BUT, it does sound like you are having second thoughts about the whole thing. She didn't get your papers you didn't want her to have, so she may have thought it over and is embarrassed by how she behaved.

I don't think she should have done what she did (she should have asked if you were willing to give up the papers she was eyeing in the first place before going all gah'gah over it). She sure shouldn't have called you selfish......can see why a friendship could get ruined over that from your perspective, but not from hers. You were being generous; she was taking advantage. Maybe you could just tell her you are sorry it happened and that you should have gotten those papers out of the way before she came to look for papers but it wasn't something you really thought about before she came.

Unfortunately, things like this do happen. You either lose the friendship or try to get it back in any way you can. Hope it works out for you.

Char
Bugsy2 Offline
#9 Posted : Sunday, May 05, 2013 4:06:30 PM(UTC)
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Thanks for the support everyone!!! You all are the best.
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JoyceG on 5/5/2013(UTC)
Scrapperdee Online
#10 Posted : Sunday, May 05, 2013 4:36:05 PM(UTC)
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Beggers can't be choosers.
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Aden's_Nana Offline
#11 Posted : Sunday, May 05, 2013 5:46:08 PM(UTC)
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She was the one in the wrong. She tried to take advantage of your generosity.



Jackie
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JoyceG on 5/5/2013(UTC)
ellamap Offline
#12 Posted : Sunday, May 05, 2013 7:34:41 PM(UTC)
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You definitely shouldn't feel guilty!! I think it's wonderful what you did for her. She does sound very ungrateful. I've let friends use from my stash but never my "good" stuff. I have told them where I bought it so they can get some if they wanted.
I think she owes you the apology.
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JoyceG on 5/5/2013(UTC)
JoyceG Offline
#13 Posted : Sunday, May 05, 2013 8:48:22 PM(UTC)
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Originally Posted by: Bugsy2 Go to Quoted Post
Well, yes it does.. kind of!! Anyhoo, here is my story. Last fall a friend of mine was putting together a scrapbook with pics of her recently deceased father. She was giving it to her mother for Christmas. My friend isn't a crafter but she wanted to do the work herself. I told her I had lots of 12x12 paper and embellies that she could she could help herself to.

I have one shelf dedicated to Coredinations cardstock.. the really thick 12x12 stuff I bought at the scrap store a few years ago, and not like the stuff that Joann's sells now. This cardstock is my "precious paper" that I bought for a scrapbook for my sister. I just haven't gotten around to doing it yet, and seriously I don't know if I could even get that cardstock again.

My friend's eyes lit up when she saw my rainbow of cardstock and pretty papers. Then she looked to the right, saw the Coredinations cardstock, and her eyes started twirling!! Immediately she grabbed sheets of it squealing "this is perfect!" We got into a verbal scuffle when I told her that this cardstock was off limits, that there was plenty of cardstock to choose from besides the Coredinations. She said that I was being selfish. I didn't feel selfish at the time and felt totally justified in saying "No, you may not use this cardstock, but you may use anything from these shelves." Rightly or wrongly, I was fuming. She took scads of paper, embellishments, and even a package of pop dots home with her. It was several days before she called me. We still hang out occasionally but our friendship isn't the same.

So... if you had been in my shoes would you have given her unlimited access to your papers and embellies because it was her special project? Or would you have been like me and said you may use this cardstock... but not that cardstock because it is for my special project? As I look at my rainbow of cardstock, I am feeling a little guilty now... months later.


I am generous too when it comes to sharing scrapbook stuff with certain people but some things are just off limits. I mean I paid for it and it's MINE to do with as I want. If someone is gonna take advantage of my generosity and get mad about it, then I say don't let the door hit ya in the butt on your way out. Stop feeling guilty and let it go. You gave from the heart and that's all that matters. She could have went to different stores and shopped online to get what she wanted. if anything, she should be feeling guilty by taking advantage of you.

Joyce


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JoyceG Offline
#14 Posted : Sunday, May 05, 2013 8:52:33 PM(UTC)
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Originally Posted by: Kazalah Go to Quoted Post
You weren't too harsh. You were offering her a ton of options.. just not THAT one. A compromise ( to avoid the argument) might have been to give her a FEW sheets of the card stock. In any case I she should count her lucky stars that in her time of grieving you were kind enough to GIVE her tons of scrapbooking supplies to commemorate her father.



Lori


Sorry Lori but there was no reason to compromise here snd let her have any of it. Bugsy2 had special plans for it and since she bought and paid for it ..it's hers to keep.

Joyce


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Cricutgirlg on 5/8/2013(UTC)
Mari Offline
#15 Posted : Sunday, May 05, 2013 10:37:02 PM(UTC)
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You were more than kind and extremely generous to offer to share your paper. I don't believe that non crafters fully realize just how much paper costs and sometimes how difficult it is to find that "just right" paper. I have favorites too. Those favorites sit there uncut allowing me to enjoy them until just the right time, which might be never as I don't have the heart to risk a mistake lol. I know I havew tons of paper, both prints and solids, and you could call me selfish about some but since I purchased them for me, so be it. I also am generous but have earned the right to be possesive about some pf my things. Everyone can be. You generously offered and she should have taken what you were willing to part with, no complaints. If she didn't like what you were giving her then nothing was stopping her from going to a store( I am assuming that there are nearby stores) and purchasing different paper for herself. If you lost a friend because of this, maybe you didn't have a true friend to begin with. As others said, she was wrong. Who knows, maybe she realizes she was wrong but is embarassed.
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JoyceG on 5/6/2013(UTC)
Kazalah Offline
#16 Posted : Monday, May 06, 2013 5:17:39 AM(UTC)
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Originally Posted by: JoyceG Go to Quoted Post
Sorry Lori but there was no reason to compromise here snd let her have any of it. Bugsy2 had special plans for it and since she bought and paid for it ..it's hers to keep.

Joyce





Joyce,

Didn't mean any offense . Since Bugsy2 was looking at this in retrospect I thought what might have solved the whole situation ( no argument & keeping a friend) would have been to offer her only a FEW sheets of the paper. Guess it's the peace keeper in me.



Lori
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JoyceG on 5/6/2013(UTC)
Di&Co Offline
#17 Posted : Monday, May 06, 2013 7:43:37 AM(UTC)
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You're way nicer than me because I would have booted her out of my craft room. My craft room is my sacred space and that person would not have gone over very well with me. No guilt required.
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JoyceG on 5/6/2013(UTC)
rhondah* Offline
#18 Posted : Monday, May 06, 2013 7:49:26 AM(UTC)
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No guilt. She should have asked what can I use/what can't I use since she was getting papers,etc. without cost to begin with.
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JoyceG on 5/6/2013(UTC)
jkrflutenpicc7d12cddd Offline
#19 Posted : Monday, May 06, 2013 9:38:27 AM(UTC)
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Originally Posted by: rhondah* Go to Quoted Post
No guilt. She should have asked what can I use/what can't I use since she was getting papers,etc. without cost to begin with.


^^^This times a million!

ETA: It was very kind of you to give supplies to your friend. She should have been more gracious about it Glare

Edited by user Monday, May 06, 2013 9:40:24 AM(UTC)  | Reason: Not specified

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JoyceG on 5/6/2013(UTC)
sportykidsbug Offline
#20 Posted : Monday, May 06, 2013 10:39:47 AM(UTC)
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I agree with everyone here - NO GUILT!! You were being a kind and generous person to allow her to help herself to your supplies. She should have immediately put the papers back after you told her she could not use that particular paper. And she should feel shame for calling you selfish for not giving in to her freeloading ways (and who knows, maybe she does).

With all of us (who've responded) agreeing your friend was not on her best behavior, I guess you really need to decide whether you want to move forward with the friendship or end it. IMO, if you want to repair the friendship, call her and have a heart to heart talk. Tell her your thoughts and feelings, then listen to hers. If you feel like there is hope for the friendship ask how her scrapbook came out and if she could show it to you. If, however, you don't get any satisfaction from the discussion, graciously tell her that the relationship has come to an end. This current "friendship in limbo" isn't a good idea; either you're friends or you're not. Have the courage to be honest with each other and go from there.

Good luck!

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JoyceG on 5/6/2013(UTC)
joyfullycrafting Offline
#21 Posted : Monday, May 06, 2013 2:27:10 PM(UTC)
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I too, agree with everyone else. There are some papers and embleshiments that we get for US to use, not to share. I share with my adult daughters, but there are a few things that they know they can't use because I have those items set aside for special scrapbooks and projects.

It is sad that this has put a crimp in your friendship, but I think it is her loss, not yours.
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JoyceG on 5/6/2013(UTC)
Cricutgirlg Offline
#22 Posted : Monday, May 06, 2013 6:13:33 PM(UTC)
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I will tell what my mom told me, Your stuff Your rules. She actually doesn't even believe in loaning stuff and raised us to just buy people stuff rather than take the chance of it not returning back to you and getting damaged. I have been very generous with people and they have never appreciated it and just wanted more. You did the right thing even if you never use the paper; you have a right to keep it for yourself. Maybe if she bought scrapbooking supplies she'd realize how expensive things are. She should never have called you selfish and then take tons of your stuff and not even offer you a penny for anything. fine you were being generous, but that does not include the shirt off of your back. Wow!

Edited by user Monday, May 06, 2013 6:29:43 PM(UTC)  | Reason: Not specified

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JoyceG on 5/6/2013(UTC)
ladybugstamper Offline
#23 Posted : Tuesday, May 07, 2013 12:01:17 PM(UTC)
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Hi!
I'm always amazed at how generous crafter's are and then others still think we aren't generous enough. Makes me shake my head.

I had a lady from my church who makes beautiful quilts, and does a small bit of paper crafting. She asked me to give her all my paper punches, her reasoning. She couldn't afford to buy any, and since I had a Cricut now I wouldn't be needing them anymore. I said no, I won't even lend her my punches for fear of her not returning them. Seriously, I wouldn't go her house and ask for some of her fabric from her stash since she has other fabrics to use.

I will sometimes let people use stuff from my house, or bring stuff to theirs to use, but it's very rare now. I'm tired of the attitudes and comments that since I have more than they do I should give it to them.

Some people are just clueless I guess.
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CricketCMV on 5/7/2013(UTC)
Bugsy2 Offline
#24 Posted : Tuesday, May 07, 2013 12:33:45 PM(UTC)
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Originally Posted by: ladybugstamper Go to Quoted Post
Hi!
I'm always amazed at how generous crafter's are and then others still think we aren't generous enough. Makes me shake my head.

I had a lady from my church who makes beautiful quilts, and does a small bit of paper crafting. She asked me to give her all my paper punches, her reasoning. She couldn't afford to buy any, and since I had a Cricut now I wouldn't be needing them anymore. I said no, I won't even lend her my punches for fear of her not returning them. Seriously, I wouldn't go her house and ask for some of her fabric from her stash since she has other fabrics to use.

I will sometimes let people use stuff from my house, or bring stuff to theirs to use, but it's very rare now. I'm tired of the attitudes and comments that since I have more than they do I should give it to them.

Some people are just clueless I guess.


You can't be serious?? That was pretty bold of her!

I too get tired of people thinking that because I have excess I should be willing to part with some. I make cards with kids and sometimes they can be very wasteful. Kids can go through excess pretty quickly if you let them.Mellow

live2clickpics Offline
#25 Posted : Tuesday, May 07, 2013 2:56:21 PM(UTC)
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That is why I have all my special papers and embellishments out of sight. If someone is working on something and I know I have something that would be perfect then I can decide if I want to get it out for them or not. I have a piggy bank in my room and if someone needs some pair and wants to pay for it I just tell them to "feed the pig"! LOL. I don't look and what they put in and every so often Ill take money out and buy more cardstock or adhesive so it will be there if someone needs it.

DO NOT FEEL BAD.
TheSingingCrafter Offline
#26 Posted : Tuesday, May 07, 2013 3:53:17 PM(UTC)
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Sometimes we hold on to things we don't need or will use "intending" to create in the future. In reality we just like staring at it or adore how it looks in our space. At least that is my confession. I have many things off limits in my scrap room but just two days ago i had to pray to release some of my things as I packed and prepared to move to a new home new space. It was so hard parting with items i didn't even know i had. I really need to be on hoarders (for crafters, lol). Like many of you I have a store of craft supplies. Your friend may have been selfish and inconsiderate but I laughed at the thought of her giddiness and excitement in your craft room. Laugh at it too knowing it is being used for a good purpose. Who knows, it was probably being saved for her for such a time as this.
Blessings,
MaryStillman Offline
#27 Posted : Tuesday, May 07, 2013 5:07:46 PM(UTC)
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You were very generous with her and you did have the right to tell her no to some items that she wanted.

Some people just feel entitlement to whatever they want, and it makes it hard to say no.

I admire your generosity to her.

Mary
inkyonne Offline
#28 Posted : Tuesday, May 07, 2013 11:28:29 PM(UTC)
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This reminds me of a friend that would come over and say I need this or that and expect that because I had it that it was hers for the taking. I finally said, you are welcome to my J's or M's cardstock but I draw the line at my Bazzill ~ lol
chellabella Offline
#29 Posted : Wednesday, May 08, 2013 12:52:49 AM(UTC)
chellabella

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WOW! I consider you VERY KIND and VERY GENEROUS!

I am always mystified by this type of person who thinks that those that "have" should just be more than happy to hand over, whatever it may be, to those that "have not".

I too, like many of you (probably all of you), have my favorite papers, inks, stamps, cartridges, etc. and I bought them with MY MONEY, that I EARNED. And when I bought these things it was because I wanted them, and even if it was just to sit on my shelf, look pretty and gather dust, that's my business.

Luckily, when I have periodically cleaned out my supplies and passed on some wonderful papers or other elements to friends, they have been very thankful and very appreciative. I'm sorry this wasn't the case with your friend.

Hopefully when her grief subsides, she'll see the scrapbook pages she made with your supplies and realize what an ungrateful b***h she has been. You KNOW that she'll NEVER be able to look at her project made with your things without thinking about that incident, and you.

Like everyone else said, "NO GUILT"!

~Angela
Multicrafter Amy Offline
#30 Posted : Wednesday, May 08, 2013 5:19:50 AM(UTC)
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You did nothing wrong and were generous. Do not feel guilty. Friendships sadly change because people change. I have moved on from a few myself. I figure I will meet new friends when needed. Sure I missed them at first and it is harder to make new friends the older I get. I am sure I will find new friends when I need to. I say just accept this friendship for what it is. She may still be grieving. Everyone grieves in different ways and for different lengths of time. Just be patient and maybe it will blossom one day again or maybe not. Good luck to you.
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